Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes

Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out...

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I'll edit this later...

I hate when people tell you how you feel instead of asking you how you feel. It's like they so badly want to have you feel one way that it's inconceivable that you could possibly feel differently.
I'm an easy going, laid back person. And I don't get mad or annoyed about too many things. But if you tell me how I feel and what I think instead of acknowledging the fact that I have my own opinions and emotions, it drives me crazy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, July 29, 2011



We all take a lot of steps in our lives. Steps in the right direction, steps in the wrong direction. One step forward, two steps back.

In life we also take different steps in relationships. You either take steps forward together, or take steps apart, alone. And in the event that you're taking those steps apart and alone you just have to remember that every person who broke your heart just brought you one step closer to the person who will protect and cherish your heart. Unfortunately, some of us have a higher staircase to climb than others, but once we get to the top we all appreciate the climb just the same.

I'd like to say that life is funny like that, but it's not. 'Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.' It throws lessons at you all day, every day, and whether you choose to succeed or fail miserably is up to you. You can take one hit and stay down and feel sorry for yourself of you can get up and fight to win.

You can take those steps forward regardless of the terrain or you can turn around and retrace your steps back to where you started because you're scared or tired or just too lazy to work for what you want.
Bottom line is that it's up to you.

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”-Charles R. Swindoll

Thursday, July 21, 2011


Let me be perfectly clear...

I'm tired of hearing guys complain about how women prefer assholes over nice guys. What's actually going on is that women prefer a man who is confident over someone without a set of balls. No woman wants a guy that's more sensitive than she is, who is going to cry when he sees babies and butterflies. Cockiness and confidence get mixed up pretty often, I get it. Once you get it you can stop using the excuse that women like assholes to make yourself feel better about being single. It's exhausting. Seriously. And I'm not going to stroke your ego when you're crying and complaining about it, so tell your story walking.

Aside from confidence women also like men who are thoughtful and do things simply because they were thinking of her. Being caring, compassionate, and considerate are big sellers too. The ability to hold a conversation doesn't hurt either. As a matter of fact NOT being able to hold a conversation hurts because she'll get bored. And then you'll complain that you weren't enough of an asshole for her. You poor, poor guys. Always stuck in such a vicious cycle.

And don't suffocate her. She needs space. If she doesn't need space, you should probably run because it's only a matter of time before she becomes a stalker and then... well then it's too late. If that sounds familiar, she's probably watching you right now.

Common sense. That is a big deal. No one wants to date someone who has lived under a rock for the majority of their life. No one wants to be a mother before they have kids either. I mean really, if you find yourself asking 'What's that?' often, apply for a library card and read a book. Preferably the dictionary. Start with 'A' if you're confused or overwhelmed. And if you start more than a handful of sentences IN YOUR LIFE with 'Not to sound dumb... but..." You sound dumb. You also look dumb while you say it because you have no idea what's going on.

What else... being faithful is important. Probably the most important. If you're thinking about cheating, leave or break up with whoever you're with. Save someone the extra heartache and make yourself look like less of a piece of shit.

Oh and lastly, if you're not funny, please don't try to tell jokes. If you're not funny, you're not funny. You can fake a lot of things but a sense of humor is either there or it isn't. Unfortunately, if you don't have one, you're not going to find one anywhere. And if you can't make me laugh, don't expect me to call you. That also means you shouldn't call or text me, you know, if you want to end that with any dignity.

Now, if you read this and thought 'Wow, what a bitch,' then you're an asshole and you're right on point so don't worry. Clearly, you're everything every woman wants.

Thursday, July 14, 2011


Being in a relationship is hard enough on it's own without having your partner take you for granted. If you're in a relationship where you're not number one, get out. If it's bad now, it's only going to get worse and you're only going to get hurt.

If you settle, it's your own fault. And if you let your partner get away with treating you like that it'll create a pattern and you know what they say, 'A leopard can't change it's spots.'

I know we like to think that people can change, and that we can be the ones to change them, but in most situations that's not the case.

Now, if whoever you're with isn't making you number one, then turn around and walk away and make yourself number one. That person doesn't deserve you and you can do much better. There are six billion people in this world, it's going to take a few tries and a few broken hearts to find the 'one' so don't give up and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday, July 2, 2011


Bob Marley

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Monday, June 27, 2011


Have you ever wanted to tell someone something, but were too afraid of their reactions? Have you ever held back because knowing that they could completely cut you off was too painful to bear?

Why do we do that?
Sometimes it's too soon,
or it's not the right place,
or just not the right time.

There's always a reason.
Always something holding us back.

Of course, if you don't just put it all out on the table then you're forced to hold it in and let it slowly eat away at you.

Now you have two choices. You can suffer or you can take a chance and relieve the stress you've put on yourself.

What are you going to do?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, June 23, 2011


"Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won't. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you must just move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for."

Friday, June 10, 2011



We always assume we have so much of it.

We always put things off.
We'll get to it later.

What if later never comes?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011



I've known loss in my life. I've lost friends and family to death and differences. I've mourned. I've shed tears and felt pain, but I've never felt such sorrow as I feel right now at the news of Mrs. Linda Peterson passing away.

Mrs. Linda had a smile that could light up a room. I know people have said that many times before but when Mrs. Linda smiled, so did everyone within earshot because her smile came with a full-belly laugh. She was one of the most positive, optimistic people I've ever met-no matter what the situation was. No matter how bad something got, she had a solution or a way of relating it to something ridiculous that made you laugh and forget what was wrong.

She never spoke down to anyone and when she spoke to you, you had her complete attention. She never gave you less than 100% and along with that 100% came more wisdom than I've ever experienced in my entire life. She was an endless wealth of knowledge. I still remember her saying 'Never lend anyone more than you can afford to lose,' whenever anyone asks me for anything. And whenever I'm not sure about something I can hear her saying 'Go on, miss New York.'

Mrs. Linda touched so many people, some from North Carolina and some just passing through, and now we're mourning all over the country. New York, Illinois, Missouri, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Virginia. She always used to call us her kids, and now we've all lost someone who was like a mother to us at one point or another.

I hope that when my time comes, I have people who care as deeply for me as Mrs. Linda does. I can only dream to touch as many lives as she did so effortlessly. When people remember me, I hope they smile. And I hope that they can say they'll never forget me, just like I'll never forget Linda Peterson.

I miss those spicy pickles. And
hearing you talk about getting
toasty, because you didn't like
the word drunk. And hearing
you practically sell ice to an
Eskimo. And I miss all of these
things because they were a part
of you. I know it's been a while,
but I miss you. Always.
-Amanda 'Meagan' <3

Monday, June 6, 2011



When you're going through something that seems like it'll never end, just remember that nothing lasts forever. And even though you feel like the hits keep coming, one after another, eventually they will stop. Hang in there. It'll get better.

It has to get better.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Secrets, Secrets, are no fun.
Secrets, Secrets, hurt someone.

Everyone has secrets. Everyone. Most people will deny it. A lot of people will say they've got nothing to hide. Some people will even say they're an open book. The truth is, it's all lies.

Unfortunately, everyone has something to hide. Everyone has some deep dark secret that they keep hidden from the world because they're embarrassed or ashamed. Or they're afraid that they will be treated differently, or never looked at the same way again. But look around. There are things you'll never know about your best friend, a family member, the person you love. That's just the way it is. I'm sure you've got a few things that will never pass through your lips too.

And what's worse than keeping secrets from the people we care about? Keeping secrets from ourselves. Sometimes there are things we don't want to admit. Things we don't want to own up to. Things we don't want to remember. Things that we just don't want to deal with and by not thinking about them, hope that they go away on their own. Deep down we know that will never happen, but we keep hoping anyway.

The worst part about secrets is that sometimes they find their way out. No matter how hard you fight to keep them buried under lies and explanations, they find a way to surface. And at the most inconvenient times too.

"Whoever wishes to keep a secret
must hide the fact that he possesses
one."- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Friday, May 27, 2011



The truth hurts. And it especially hurts when you find out how long the lies have gone on for. It hurts even worse when you find out that not one single thing, not one single word out of that persons mouth was real.

The real kicker is realizing that little voice inside was right. After that, everything becomes a joke. You find it hysterical how someone can lie right to your face without faltering once. It's amazing how skilled someone can become at that. I guess you could even consider it an art-not a very good one, but an art none the less. Almost like acting, but not quite.

Anyway, once the initial shock fades, and the
humor runs dry, all you're left with is annoyance. Annoyance that you were fooled, annoyance that you didn't realize this sooner, annoyance at the fact that you even believed anything in the first place.

The good news is that even that fades. Then all you feel is pity, and you wonder how many other people were fooled. How many other people found out? How many other people has this person lost?

Eventually, this person becomes nothing but a memory that you can laugh about with friends. Just like your wild adventure in Puerto Rico, that you almost didn't make it home from.



It's a terribly horrifying thing. Whether you're in it, around it, or even thinking about it.

Love can make you crazy, it can make you stupid, jealous, insecure. Love can make you or break you. It can damn near ruin your life if you let it. For something to have that much power, of course it's going to be scary. How can anyone blame you for wanting to go running and screaming in the opposite direction?

What if the person you love doesn't love you back? Or doesn't know you even exist? Or worse, what if they love someone else? Oh, the number of things that could go wrong are countless. It could be a total catastrophe. Complete and utter humiliation may ensue. The world could quite possibly end, or so it may seem at times.

And just finding someone to love is enough trouble in itself. People are crazy, selfish, inconsiderate, foolish... I mean really, at this point is it even worth it anymore? Is putting yourself on the line for a m
ere possibility worth the risk?

Of course it is. When you do find someone who is worth all of the trouble, all of the things that could go wrong, the e
mbarrassment, the humiliation... hearing them say 'I love you' is invaluable.

So if you love someone, take the risk.
After all, taking a risk is better than having a regret.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday, May 14, 2011



Isn't it funny how you spend most of your life trying to prove yourself? Trying to be who other people want you to be? Trying to please your parents, your friends, the person you think that you're in love with this week? You spend your whole life doing things for everyone else and sometimes you lose sight of who you are. You lose sight of what you want. What do you want?

Take a moment and look at your life. What are you doing? Where are you going? Who are you?

Then go back to when you were younger. Are you where you thought you'd be?

More than likely you didn't become an astronaut and unless you're Kate Middleton, you didn't become a princess either. That's not what I meant. I'm not talking about when you were five and running around wearing a towel as a cape. I meant more like when you were in high school. Old enough to have some sense of direction while still having the whole world at your fingertips. Before bills and real responsibility. What did you want to be? What were your dreams? Did you follow them?
It's never to late to be
who you might have been.
-George Eliot


"Don’t expect for life to be easy, you’ve got to earn what you want. The best of lessons will come during your worst times, so take your greatest downfall as your greatest gift. No matter the relationship you have with your family, bad or good, never take them for granted. Tread carefully around the trail of love, and always remember to keep your heart. Your life is defined by the things you do, and the things you do are caused by the way you think… So your thoughts are equally as resounding as your actions. Grow, learn, and listen. Surround yourself with all things positive. Help others in need. Don’t lose sight of what’s important in life. Appreciate your passions and grip your fears tightly; they are what make you one of a kind."

Sunday, May 8, 2011


Mistakes, Lies, and other things that you regret...

Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone tells lies.
Everyone has regrets.

If you mess up, you mess up. It happens. Sometimes you can turn it all around and make things right, and sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to suffer with the consequences of your actions. It's a horrible feeling that makes your stomach drop every time you think about whatever happened. It takes a long time to get over that feeling because you can't control it. You can't stop it. You just have to deal with it.

In cases like that, save your "I'm sorry's." Save your "I'll never do that again's." Save your "I didn't mean it's" for someone who has the time to listen to you. You need to show someone you're sorry because your words are what got you in trouble in the first place.

"If you’re going to do something
tonight that you’ll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late."

Thursday, May 5, 2011


Catch me if you can...

In the last week, several people have told me I'd be a good catch... if I'd let someone catch me.

I hate the way that sounds. I'm not a fish. And is it so bad not to want to be caught? I'm having plenty of fun doing my own thing, doing things for myself, not having to worry about someone else's feelings.

Now, I'm not against finding someone. I'm just not going to settle. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't give me butterflies every time I think about them. I refuse to be with someone who doesn't make me see fireworks just from a kiss. I've settled before and all that did was get someone hurt.

I just want someone who is smart, funny, and someone I can talk to (who will understand the things I say). I don't want to have to explain everything, and I don't want to have to be like a mother to the person I'm seeing. I'm not saying I'm a genius, I just want someone who can keep up with me. And I don't play the jealousy game. Or any games for that matter. As far as I'm concerned, if you want me to be jealous over someone else, then go and be with that someone else.

Also, I refuse to be with someone that I can break. That sounds awful, and it is. But if you're not going to be even slightly challenging, and you can't keep my attention, why should I bother?

If you know what you want, go for it. Don't just settle for what's around.

Personally, I don't think that that's asking for a lot.
Make me laugh and keep things interesting. That's all.

“Falling in love with someone isn't always
going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter..
It's when you want to be together despite it
all. That's when you truly love each other.
I'm sure of it.”

Sunday, May 1, 2011


The Difference Is....

There is a very large, and obvious, difference between being amazingly awesome, and amazingly annoying.

YOU are amazingly annoying.

I am amazingly awesome.




Let me tell you something about assumptions.

They make you look like an asshole.

Isn't it much easier to just ask someone a simple question rather than assume something and agonize over it? I mean seriously, grow up and grow a pair.

I especially hate when someone assumes that you're saying, or have said, bad things about them, and then take it upon themselves to do the same... even though there's no proof that you've done anything wrong.

I guess there's just no getting through to those kinds of people because they like drama. They feed on it, and they have to create it no matter what is, or isn't, going on.

And if you don't mind, I'd like to touch on liars for a second...

Honestly, your best bet is to just stop lying. It's never too late to stop, come clean. I already know that you're full of shit and I know you lie about a number of things for absolutely no reason. I'm giving you a chance to tell me the truth before there's absolutely no possibility of salvaging what's left of our friendship.

And just for your information, exaggerating and stretching the truth are the same as lying. Just wanted to clear that up in case you weren't sure.

A half truth is a whole lie. ~Yiddish Proverb

Those who think it is permissible to tell white
lies soon grow color-blind. ~Austin O'Malley

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Get, get, get, get, get over it. Get over it.

If you're going to claim to be over something, then get over it. Stop talking about it. Stop bringing attention to it. Stop making a big deal about it. Just stop. If you keep going back to the same thing over and over again, and keep trying to prove to people that you are-in fact-over it, chances are you're not over it. Listening to the same story on an endless loop is exhausting. Every time we talk I feel like I'm stuck in a more dramatic, and not at all comical, version of Groundhog day. I can only say the same thing so many times, and unfortunately I'm not as much of a fan of your voice as you are.

I'm sick and tired of having to listen to 'Whoa is me' stories from people who feed on attention. It's disgusting. And I am not the person to cry to. I don't care for the dramatics, and I don't respond well to people who are needy. Maybe it's just me. Maybe because I don't spread my business around town I find it hard to understand why anyone else would. Maybe because I don't like too much attention myself, I cant imagine why other people would want to make things up to get extra attention put on themselves. Maybe because I'm normal, I can't understand why other people aren't.

I'm just kidding about that last part. But seriously. I'll never understand why people make up sob stories for attention. What's the point? It's too much work to lie. You have to remember too many things. And if you get caught you get in trouble. It's just not worth it.

Anyway, the point of this entire rant was that I'm done being friends with certain people. And by certain people, I mean you.

"You can spend minutes, hours, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what coud've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."- Tupac Shakur

Friday, April 1, 2011


I have made a decision.

I have decided to take care of myself.

To tend to my needs. To solve my problems. To deal with my issues.

I'm exhausted. Exhausted from listing to people complain about the most insignificant bullshit. I'm tired of dealing with people who are so selfish that even when you're screaming at the top of your lungs, they don't hear you. Tired of people making everything about themselves, even when they know you're suffering.

I'm over people comparing their problems to mine when they have no idea what I'm going through-or what anyone else is going through for that matter. I'm done listening to people that try to convince me that their current drama is more important than anything that could possibly be bothering me. I'm not going to fully be there for people who aren't even partially there for me.

I'm just done.

With that being said, I've decided to be happy. I'm not really a fan of feeling sad and it's not really working for me. I miss being myself and feeling good. Shedding the negativity, and unnecessary negative people around me, will help me find my way back to myself. I'm not sure where or when I got lost, but it's about time I'm found. Of course this wont happen over night, but from now on I'm going to do whatever I have to do to just be me.

From now on I'm going to live my life and I'm going to love my life. With all of the bumps and potholes that come along with it, I'm going to love it. With all of the obstacles and roadblocks that come along with it, I'm going to love it. With all of the ups and downs, the good the bad... I'm going to love it.

All of it.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "