OneHundredSeven.

Loss...

I've known loss in my life. I've lost friends and family to death and differences. I've mourned. I've shed tears and felt pain, but I've never felt such sorrow as I feel right now at the news of Mrs. Linda Peterson passing away.

Mrs. Linda had a smile that could light up a room. I know people have said that many times before but when Mrs. Linda smiled, so did everyone within earshot because her smile came with a full-belly laugh. She was one of the most positive, optimistic people I've ever met-no matter what the situation was. No matter how bad something got, she had a solution or a way of relating it to something ridiculous that made you laugh and forget what was wrong.

She never spoke down to anyone and when she spoke to you, you had her complete attention. She never gave you less than 100% and along with that 100% came more wisdom than I've ever experienced in my entire life. She was an endless wealth of knowledge. I still remember her saying 'Never lend anyone more than you can afford to lose,' whenever anyone asks me for anything. And whenever I'm not sure about something I can hear her saying 'Go on, miss New York.'

Mrs. Linda touched so many people, some from North Carolina and some just passing through, and now we're mourning all over the country. New York, Illinois, Missouri, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Virginia. She always used to call us her kids, and now we've all lost someone who was like a mother to us at one point or another.

I hope that when my time comes, I have people who care as deeply for me as Mrs. Linda does. I can only dream to touch as many lives as she did so effortlessly. When people remember me, I hope they smile. And I hope that they can say they'll never forget me, just like I'll never forget Linda Peterson.

I miss those spicy pickles. And

hearing you talk about getting

toasty, because you didn't like

the word drunk. And hearing

you practically sell ice to an

Eskimo. And I miss all of these

things because they were a part

of you. I know it's been a while,

but I miss you. Always.

-Amanda 'Meagan' <3

OneHundredSix.

Smile.

When you're going through something that seems like it'll never end, just remember that nothing lasts forever. And even though you feel like the hits keep coming, one after another, eventually they will stop. Hang in there. It'll get better.

It has to get better.

OneHundredFive.

Secrets, Secrets, are no fun.

Secrets, Secrets, hurt someone.

Everyone has secrets. Everyone. Most people will deny it. A lot of people will say they've got nothing to hide. Some people will even say they're an open book. The truth is, it's all lies.

Unfortunately, everyone has something to hide. Everyone has some deep dark secret that they keep hidden from the world because they're embarrassed or ashamed. Or they're afraid that they will be treated differently, or never looked at the same way again. But look around. There are things you'll never know about your best friend, a family member, the person you love. That's just the way it is. I'm sure you've got a few things that will never pass through your lips too.

And what's worse than keeping secrets from the people we care about? Keeping secrets from ourselves. Sometimes there are things we don't want to admit. Things we don't want to own up to. Things we don't want to remember. Things that we just don't want to deal with and by not thinking about them, hope that they go away on their own. Deep down we know that will never happen, but we keep hoping anyway.

The worst part about secrets is that sometimes they find their way out. No matter how hard you fight to keep them buried under lies and explanations, they find a way to surface. And at the most inconvenient times too.

"Whoever wishes to keep a secret

must hide the fact that he possesses

one."- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

OneHundredFour.

Truth...

The truth hurts. And it especially hurts when you find out how long the lies have gone on for. It hurts even worse when you find out that not one single thing, not one single word out of that persons mouth was real.

The real kicker is realizing that little voice inside was right. After that, everything becomes a joke. You find it hysterical how someone can lie right to your face without faltering once. It's amazing how skilled someone can become at that. I guess you could even consider it an art-not a very good one, but an art none the less. Almost like acting, but not quite.

Anyway, once the initial shock fades, and the

humor runs dry, all you're left with is annoyance. Annoyance that you were fooled, annoyance that you didn't realize this sooner, annoyance at the fact that you even believed anything in the first place.

The good news is that even that fades. Then all you feel is pity, and you wonder how many other people were fooled. How many other people found out? How many other people has this person lost?

Eventually, this person becomes nothing but a memory that you can laugh about with friends. Just like your wild adventure in Puerto Rico, that you almost didn't make it home from.

OneHundredThree.

Love.

It's a terribly horrifying thing. Whether you're in it, around it, or even thinking about it.

Love can make you crazy, it can make you stupid, jealous, insecure. Love can make you or break you. It can damn near ruin your life if you let it. For something to have that much power, of course it's going to be scary. How can anyone blame you for wanting to go running and screaming in the opposite direction?

What if the person you love doesn't love you back? Or doesn't know you even exist? Or worse, what if they love someone else? Oh, the number of things that could go wrong are countless. It could be a total catastrophe. Complete and utter humiliation may ensue. The world could quite possibly end, or so it may seem at times.

And just finding someone to love is enough trouble in itself. People are crazy, selfish, inconsiderate, foolish... I mean really, at this point is it even worth it anymore? Is putting yourself on the line for a mere possibility worth the risk?

Of course it is. When you do find someone who is worth all of the trouble, all of the things that could go wrong, the embarrassment, the humiliation... hearing them say 'I love you' is invaluable.

So if you love someone, take the risk.

After all, taking a risk is better than having a regret.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

OneHundredTwo

Funny.

Isn't it funny how you spend most of your life trying to prove yourself? Trying to be who other people want you to be? Trying to please your parents, your friends, the person you think that you're in love with this week? You spend your whole life doing things for everyone else and sometimes you lose sight of who you are. You lose sight of what you want. What do you want?

Take a moment and look at your life. What are you doing? Where are you going? Who are you?

Then go back to when you were younger. Are you where you thought you'd be?

More than likely you didn't become an astronaut and unless you're Kate Middleton, you didn't become a princess either. That's not what I meant. I'm not talking about when you were five and running around wearing a towel as a cape. I meant more like when you were in high school. Old enough to have some sense of direction while still having the whole world at your fingertips. Before bills and real responsibility. What did you want to be? What were your dreams? Did you follow them?

It's never to late to be

who you might have been.

-George Eliot

OneHundredOne

"Don’t expect for life to be easy, you’ve got to earn what you want. The best of lessons will come during your worst times, so take your greatest downfall as your greatest gift. No matter the relationship you have with your family, bad or good, never take them for granted. Tread carefully around the trail of love, and always remember to keep your heart. Your life is defined by the things you do, and the things you do are caused by the way you think… So your thoughts are equally as resounding as your actions. Grow, learn, and listen. Surround yourself with all things positive. Help others in need. Don’t lose sight of what’s important in life. Appreciate your passions and grip your fears tightly; they are what make you one of a kind."

-Christopher

OneHundred.

NinetyNine.

Mistakes, Lies, and other things that you regret...

Everyone makes mistakes.

Everyone tells lies.

Everyone has regrets.

If you mess up, you mess up. It happens. Sometimes you can turn it all around and make things right, and sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to suffer with the consequences of your actions. It's a horrible feeling that makes your stomach drop every time you think about whatever happened. It takes a long time to get over that feeling because you can't control it. You can't stop it. You just have to deal with it.

In cases like that, save your "I'm sorry's." Save your "I'll never do that again's." Save your "I didn't mean it's" for someone who has the time to listen to you. You need to show someone you're sorry because your words are what got you in trouble in the first place.

"If you’re going to do something

tonight that you’ll be sorry for

tomorrow morning, sleep late."

NinetyEight.

Catch me if you can...

In the last week, several people have told me I'd be a good catch... if I'd let someone catch me.

I hate the way that sounds. I'm not a fish. And is it so bad not to want to be caught? I'm having plenty of fun doing my own thing, doing things for myself, not having to worry about someone else's feelings.

Now, I'm not against finding someone. I'm just not going to settle. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't give me butterflies every time I think about them. I refuse to be with someone who doesn't make me see fireworks just from a kiss. I've settled before and all that did was get someone hurt.

I just want someone who is smart, funny, and someone I can talk to (who will understand the things I say). I don't want to have to explain everything, and I don't want to have to be like a mother to the person I'm seeing. I'm not saying I'm a genius, I just want someone who can keep up with me. And I don't play the jealousy game. Or any games for that matter. As far as I'm concerned, if you want me to be jealous over someone else, then go and be with that someone else.

Also, I refuse to be with someone that I can break. That sounds awful, and it is. But if you're not going to be even slightly challenging, and you can't keep my attention, why should I bother?

If you know what you want, go for it. Don't just settle for what's around.

Personally, I don't think that that's asking for a lot.

Make me laugh and keep things interesting. That's all.

“Falling in love with someone isn't always

going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter..

It's when you want to be together despite it

all. That's when you truly love each other.

I'm sure of it.”

NinetySeven.

The Difference Is....

There is a very large, and obvious, difference between being amazingly awesome, and amazingly annoying.

YOU are amazingly annoying.

I am amazingly awesome.

GET IT?

NinetySix.

Assumptions...

Let me tell you something about assumptions.

They make you look like an asshole.

Isn't it much easier to just ask someone a simple question rather than assume something and agonize over it? I mean seriously, grow up and grow a pair.

I especially hate when someone assumes that you're saying, or have said, bad things about them, and then take it upon themselves to do the same... even though there's no proof that you've done anything wrong.

I guess there's just no getting through to those kinds of people because they like drama. They feed on it, and they have to create it no matter what is, or isn't, going on.

And if you don't mind, I'd like to touch on liars for a second...

Honestly, your best bet is to just stop lying. It's never too late to stop, come clean. I already know that you're full of shit and I know you lie about a number of things for absolutely no reason. I'm giving you a chance to tell me the truth before there's absolutely no possibility of salvaging what's left of our friendship.

And just for your information, exaggerating and stretching the truth are the same as lying. Just wanted to clear that up in case you weren't sure.

A half truth is a whole lie. ~Yiddish Proverb

Those who think it is permissible to tell white

lies soon grow color-blind. ~Austin O'Malley

NinetyFive

Get, get, get, get, get over it. Get over it.

If you're going to claim to be over something, then get over it. Stop talking about it. Stop bringing attention to it. Stop making a big deal about it. Just stop. If you keep going back to the same thing over and over again, and keep trying to prove to people that you are-in fact-over it, chances are you're not over it. Listening to the same story on an endless loop is exhausting. Every time we talk I feel like I'm stuck in a more dramatic, and not at all comical, version of Groundhog day. I can only say the same thing so many times, and unfortunately I'm not as much of a fan of your voice as you are.

I'm sick and tired of having to listen to 'Whoa is me' stories from people who feed on attention. It's disgusting. And I am not the person to cry to. I don't care for the dramatics, and I don't respond well to people who are needy. Maybe it's just me. Maybe because I don't spread my business around town I find it hard to understand why anyone else would. Maybe because I don't like too much attention myself, I cant imagine why other people would want to make things up to get extra attention put on themselves. Maybe because I'm normal, I can't understand why other people aren't.

I'm just kidding about that last part. But seriously. I'll never understand why people make up sob stories for attention. What's the point? It's too much work to lie. You have to remember too many things. And if you get caught you get in trouble. It's just not worth it.

Anyway, the point of this entire rant was that I'm done being friends with certain people. And by certain people, I mean you.

"You can spend minutes, hours, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what coud've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."- Tupac Shakur

NinetyFour.

I have made a decision.

I have decided to take care of myself.

To tend to my needs. To solve my problems. To deal with my issues.

I'm exhausted. Exhausted from listing to people complain about the most insignificant bullshit. I'm tired of dealing with people who are so selfish that even when you're screaming at the top of your lungs, they don't hear you. Tired of people making everything about themselves, even when they know you're suffering.

I'm over people comparing their problems to mine when they have no idea what I'm going through-or what anyone else is going through for that matter. I'm done listening to people that try to convince me that their current drama is more important than anything that could possibly be bothering me. I'm not going to fully be there for people who aren't even partially there for me.

I'm just done.

With that being said, I've decided to be happy. I'm not really a fan of feeling sad and it's not really working for me. I miss being myself and feeling good. Shedding the negativity, and unnecessary negative people around me, will help me find my way back to myself. I'm not sure where or when I got lost, but it's about time I'm found. Of course this wont happen over night, but from now on I'm going to do whatever I have to do to just be me.

From now on I'm going to live my life and I'm going to love my life. With all of the bumps and potholes that come along with it, I'm going to love it. With all of the obstacles and roadblocks that come along with it, I'm going to love it. With all of the ups and downs, the good the bad... I'm going to love it.

All of it.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "

NinetyThree.

Why?

Why does getting what you want never feel as good as you thought it would? Even though you know it's what's right and what's good for you? Even though any other alternative could be potentially hazardous to your health?

Why do things sound better in your head than they do aloud? Why is it that you practice your lines over and over again, and even when they come out perfectly, you feel like you've failed? You feel like you've made a mistake? You feel like a fool?

It doesn't really matter how you feel because it's too late. It shouldn't really matter because, after all, you got what you wanted. And even if it's not what

you expected, it's what you deserved for being selfish.

"They say the universe has a great sense of humor. That

sometimes having your dreams come true can feel like a

nightmare. Because getting what you want always comes

with strings attached... And even when you think you're

finally in the clear, you're never home free."

NinetyTwo.

Oh, Hey Life.

Life is whatever you make it. If your life sucks, well it's probably your own fault. If your life is awesome, chances are it's because you had goals, reached them, and made it that way. You can't expect your life to be some amazing adventure if you don't get up and chase a dream every now and again. After all, how can you have an adventure if you don't get up and get out there? If you're the kind of person who just gives up at the first sign or trouble, or the second something becomes anything but easy, you should reevaluate your life. Eventually, it's time to grow up. You have to become responsible for your actions, responsible for yourself. And if your life is so awful that you can't stand it, change it.

And while you're out there, sowing your wild oats, keep in mind that you don't have a clue about what other people are going through. Do not compare your life to theirs. Do not compare yourself to them. You'll only end up disappointing yourself, and you're probably wrong.

Be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet is

fighting some kind of battle.

Live your life. Live it for you. Make yourself happy without worrying about what other people want, need, think, or feel about it. If you spend all of your time worrying about everyone else, you're going to lose the most important thing in your life... yourself.

Carpe Diem!

Rejoice while you are alive.

Enjoy the day.

Live life to the fullest.

Make the most of what you have.

It's later than you think.

- Horace

NinetyOne.

Everyone has a Someone.

I went to dinner with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and he said that everyone has one person who they'd do anything for. One person that is worth losing everything to be with. One person that you find yourself going back to again and again, be it literally or figuratively.

[[One person it could never possibly work out with...]]

I disagreed, of course.

I couldn't think of anyone who made me feel like that. I still can't. When I told him, he asked me; "You mean to tell me there's no one out there who, if they came here right now and said let's be together, would make you drop everything and be with them?" That is a whole different question. There are people in my life that I care about. But no, there's no one that's been around a long time that I find myself going back to time and time again. I get bored very easily. I like the chase, but not the reward. When I really want something, I go after it. Once I get it, it becomes whatever.

Once someone comes along and

changes that, changes me, well

then I'll have found my someone.

<3<3

Ninety.

I'm Back.

When I decided to write today, I had plenty of things to talk about. Now that I'm getting around to it, I can't think of anything worth talking about. I hate when that happens... though it's been happening more and more lately. I'm forgetful, my attention span isn't as long as it probably should be, and I get bored easily.

I really hate when people say that. 'It is what it is.' What is what? Can you be more specific?

Anyway, I've had a crappy few days. Really crappy, bring you down, make you feel bad days. Then, I realized no matter what's going on, it can't last forever. Bad days end, anger and pain fade, and once you hit the bottom there's only one way to go. I don't have to be unhappy, and neither do you. When it seems like there's nothing you can do and you feel stuck, look around. Figure out what's making you unhappy, and change it.

I've recently surrounded myself with the most amazing people on the planet [that I've met so far ;) ] and it feels fantastic. I forgot what it was like to have fun. I forgot what it was like to breathe. I forgot what it was like to just be.

But I'm back and just being... awesome of course. =)

"Don't wait around for other people

to be happy for you. Any happiness

you get, you've got to make yourself."

- Alice Walker