ThirtyNine.

Life.

Have you ever wondered what you did wrong to end up in a situation that you never saw coming?

Have you ever wondered why me?

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?

I have. Pretty regularly, actually. I work in a doctors office so I see a lot of good people fighting a lot of bad things. It makes you appreciate the good things, even if they're few and far between. It breaks my heart when I see the little old couples come in, and you can tell they're so in love... but one of them isn't doing so well. (As sad as that situation is, you can't help but be jealous. I want to look at someone with that much love. You could tell that they were happy in their situation just because they were together.) One couple in their upper 70's took a trip to Italy that they've been waiting for for a long time, and the wife fell ill while she was away. Now she's in a home and in a downward spiral...

Why do those things happen at the most inconvenient moments? Not just health issues... why do you have a flat tire when you're already running late? Why does the meter run out two minutes before you get back to the car? Why does US Airways shut the door in your face when you're 10 seconds late because of THEIR connecting flight?

"It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife..."

Do you think it's because we're being tested?

Do you think something or someone is trying to see just what exactly it takes to break us?

((I'm not necessarily saying there is a god, or that there isn't a god. I'm simply asking questions.))

I do. I think that we're given exactly what we're able to deal with. How we deal with it, however, is up to us.

I think that no matter how crappy a situation is, we're put in it for a reason. I happen to think everything happens for a reason. Everything that happens to us lands us exactly where we need to be, surrounded by who we need around us. You might not realize it right away, but when you look back on different instances in your life, you'll notice that the right people for that situation where there to help you through it.

I noticed recently that there was a shift in my friends. Most of my friends are the same as last year. Some have disappeared, some are new, but they're mostly the same. I've also noticed that the ones I needed last year aren't the ones I need right now. And the ones I need right now are always around.

We go through a lot of different things in life. A lot of it sucks, and that's just the way it is. Life sucks 90% of the time. When that other 10% comes around you really need to grab on tight and ride it out for all it's worth. After all, life isn't that long. You start dying the second you're born. That 10% comes and goes in the blink of an eye. As a matter of fact, if you blink you might even miss it. So surround yourself with people that appreciate you, and love you for who you are. Cut out those who don't realize what they've got. If they don't know how great you are now, they don't deserve to have the pleasure later. Try to live your life without the negative. I know it's hard, trust me if anyone knows it's me. Sometimes I should really take my own advice, but it's easier to give it than it is to take it.

Another piece of advice, your mother is right. No matter what she say's, she's right. As much as you don't want to hear that, or believe that, it's true. You might not get along, and she might sound repetitive at times, but it's because she knows you're not listening. More often than not, she knows you better than you know yourself and the only reason she nags and the only reason she asks you if you want her opinion, even when she knows you don't, is because she knows long before you do that you're making a mistake. I know it's easier to stick your tongue out and get it stuck to a frozen pole to see if it's true than it is to believe her when she tells you that's what will happen, but save yourself the embarrassment and just listen. She was your age once.

What I started with and what I ended with aren't really connected, and I apologize. Once I get going, it's hard to stop.

If you take anything away from this, trust me on the stuff about your mom.

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. -- Steven Coallier