OneHundredThirteen.

Let me be perfectly clear...

I'm tired of hearing guys complain about how women prefer assholes over nice guys. What's actually going on is that women prefer a man who is confident over someone without a set of balls. No woman wants a guy that's more sensitive than she is, who is going to cry when he sees babies and butterflies. Cockiness and confidence get mixed up pretty often, I get it. Once you get it you can stop using the excuse that women like assholes to make yourself feel better about being single. It's exhausting. Seriously. And I'm not going to stroke your ego when you're crying and complaining about it, so tell your story walking.

Aside from confidence women also like men who are thoughtful and do things simply because they were thinking of her. Being caring, compassionate, and considerate are big sellers too. The ability to hold a conversation doesn't hurt either. As a matter of fact NOT being able to hold a conversation hurts because she'll get bored. And then you'll complain that you weren't enough of an asshole for her. You poor, poor guys. Always stuck in such a vicious cycle.

And don't suffocate her. She needs space. If she doesn't need space, you should probably run because it's only a matter of time before she becomes a stalker and then... well then it's too late. If that sounds familiar, she's probably watching you right now.

Common sense. That is a big deal. No one wants to date someone who has lived under a rock for the majority of their life. No one wants to be a mother before they have kids either. I mean really, if you find yourself asking 'What's that?' often, apply for a library card and read a book. Preferably the dictionary. Start with 'A' if you're confused or overwhelmed. And if you start more than a handful of sentences IN YOUR LIFE with 'Not to sound dumb... but..." You sound dumb. You also look dumb while you say it because you have no idea what's going on.

What else... being faithful is important. Probably the most important. If you're thinking about cheating, leave or break up with whoever you're with. Save someone the extra heartache and make yourself look like less of a piece of shit.

Oh and lastly, if you're not funny, please don't try to tell jokes. If you're not funny, you're not funny. You can fake a lot of things but a sense of humor is either there or it isn't. Unfortunately, if you don't have one, you're not going to find one anywhere. And if you can't make me laugh, don't expect me to call you. That also means you shouldn't call or text me, you know, if you want to end that with any dignity.

Now, if you read this and thought 'Wow, what a bitch,' then you're an asshole and you're right on point so don't worry. Clearly, you're everything every woman wants.