Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes

Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out...

Thursday, December 9, 2010



Sometimes it doesn't matter what's wrong with your friends. It doesn't matter what happened or who hurt them. What matters is that you're there for them, and that you'll be ready to listen when they're ready to talk.

When you're really friends with someone, you can tell when they're having a bad day instantly. And if you're really good friends with someone, you can even tell by a text message. In those cases you have to just step back and let them have their space. They'll come around when they're ready.

When they are ready, just listen. Listen until they're done. Don't interrupt. Don't try to tell them what they should and shouldn't do. Just hear them out.

And once they're done talking, that's when you go grab the baseball bat and break the kneecaps of whoever started this whole thing. ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, November 27, 2010


All good things must come to an end, so that grater things can begin.

That's never what you want to hear when you feel like your world is falling down around you. It's not nearly as comforting as people think it is... Or at all for that matter. But, give it some time. Truer words have never been spoken.

When you feel like giving up,
remember why you held on for
so long in the first place."

The truth is that none of us are invincible. We all have fears. We all feel pain. We all know sadness. And in a world that revolves around portion control, most of us end up with more than we can handle on our plates. That's the way life goes sometimes. It's unpredictable. There is no guideline. There are no rules. As soon as you're born its no holds barred, and life will continuously try to beat you into the ground. You just have to stand up and dust yourself off and prepare for round two.

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
but in rising up every time we fail."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


I will edit this later:

Sometimes all people can talk about is themselves, and how great their lives are. Let them have that moment. It's probably the only time they're really as happy as they say they are.

I've found that the more someone talks something up, the less significance it has. You may think they're doing that to impress you, and in some cases they probably are, but more often than not they're doing it to make themselves feel better. They're doing it to make things seem better than they are. They're doing it because you probably believe them, and the more they lie, the more they believe it too.

You have to take those people with a grain of salt. Usually, whatever it is they're talking about isn't relevant to your life to begin with, so if you just listening can make them feel good, then let it.

Everyone deserves to be happy. And if you can bring even the slightest smile to someones face, do it.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”- Leo F. Buscaglia

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I thought this was my blog?

Apparently I can't write whatever I want on my blog without someone getting upset. Oh well. Last time I checked no one is forcing anyone to come here and read what I think or how I feel. And if you do find yourself here, and you have something to say about my blog, I'd really appreciate it if you said it to my face instead of twisting things around behind my back to make me look bad at a time when I'm not available defend myself.

But my mistake, I was under the impression that everyone was entitled to their own opinions and that here in America there was this thing called freedom of speech. Obviously I'm wrong though, because I'm always wrong, and you're always right. What was I thinking?

I'm so sick and tired of people. In general.
As a general statement, I'm just tired of people.

Everyone who knows me, knows exactly who I am. I don't have anything to hide, and that's why my blog is public. Whoever wants to read it can do as they please because I am not a liar and I am not fake. More often than not I'm too honest. I know how to take responsibility for the things I do wrong, and I also know how to apologize, but I refuse to apologize for anything I write here. I will never be sorry for my opinions and I will never be sorry for saying how I feel, nor will I ever be ashamed or let anyone make me feel bad for any of the things on my blog.

If you feel like something on here is about you, or even if you know it's about you, maybe you should take a step back and look at yourself. There had to be a reason why I wrote that blog. If you do something that upsets me, I'm probably going to write about it. That doesn't mean I'm badmouthing you, or bashing you, or what-have-you because I never use people's names. It simply means that I'm upset and this is how I vent.

If that upsets you so much, maybe you should think before you act. Maybe, and I'm just going out on a limb here, maybe you shouldn't do bad things in the first place. And maybe you're hurt that I wrote about you on here, (without pointing fingers or labeling anything with names) and I get it. I outed you and now people can see that you're not a nice person. And for once you get to see how other people see you in print, and it just so happens that on paper, you're not so perfect.

The only reason I would write
about you is because you hurt me.

the truth sure does hurt...
Doesn't it?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010



They think they can get away with everything. There's always an excuse, always an answer. There's always a reason why they couldn't go, or why they didn't call, or why they didn't bother to tell you that they weren't coming on a vacation that you've been planning since March even though they knew they weren't coming for a month.

Aside from the fact that that's incredibly selfish-as someone else could have had that spot and gone on the vacation of a lifetime-it's also very hypocritical and non-Christian like to lie and be deceitful.

What else is non-Born Again Christian like?

Well, I wouldn't know because I'm not crazy, but I imagine these things would be on that list, if there is one... somewhere.

  1. Telling someone you'll come see them in the hospital when they have heart surgery, and then just not showing up or calling to see if they're OK.
  2. Telling someone you have a birthday gift for them, but you forgot it at home... for nearly two months.
  3. Telling someone you'll come and hangout and meet a group of people that you're supposed to go on vacation with multiple times, but then lying multiple times and never showing up.
  4. Sending someone a long apology note (a week late) asking for forgiveness and saying how you're going to change and be a better friend, only to be a worse person afterwards.
  5. Completely changing who you are every time you get into a relationship.
  6. Pretending to be someone's friend.

Now, I think I've been a pretty good friend. I've been there through two bad breakups, 2 or 3 deployments, twice when she needed a job, countless road-trips to North Carolina which cost me time and money that I didn't always have just so she wouldn't have to go alone, and pretty much any time she needed me. And every time she's done what she's doing now, I've forgiven her (which is very Christian like, just saying) because I thought we were friends. This time though, it's gotten to a point where my real friends, my boyfriend, and even my mother are mad and angry with the way I've been treated.
I love them a lot more than I could ever love someone who has taken me for granted. This is the end of a long chapter. (If you're reading this, please don't send me another bullshit apology letter that you and I both know doesn't mean anything.)
So, in conclusion, I don't need anyone in my life who is going to be selfish, inconsiderate, full of themselves, untruthful, and willing to throw a six-year friendship out the window.

(*On a side note, I don't have anything against any religion at all. What I do have a problem with is someone only becoming interested in a certain religion because the person they're dating said that they wouldn't date you unless you were the same religion as them.)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Oh, life...

Sometimes the path you want to take, and the path you end up taking are completely different. They may run parallel, and they may even cross at times, but it's never what you thought it would be... and that's not always a bad thing.

Life happens, and it takes you where you need to be. It's full of decisions and choices and by making each, you map out your own journey. Sometimes it's disappointing, sometimes it's not what you thought it'd be, but it's always worth it.

You just have to remember that not everything works out, and there's a perfectly good reason for that. When something goes wrong, there's something better that will go right. Be patient. Keep an open mind. Stay positive.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right.
You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself.
And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Sunday, August 29, 2010



Sometimes you wake up and realize that you're stronger than that.
Stronger than what?
Stronger than anything.
You put your foot down and keep moving. There are no excuses. There is no cheating. The only thing there is is you. And if you want it, whatever it is, you've got to get up and get it because no ones just going to hand you your dreams on a silver platter.
You can't be afraid and you can't let things get you down because the only person that hurts is you. Life moves quickly and it doesn't last forever. If you spend your time worrying, well now you're thirty. If you spend your time being afraid, there's the big 4-0.
Go out and make mistakes. Make a fool of yourself. Do whatever it is you have to to be happy.
In the long run... That's all that really matters.
Surround yourself with people that love you and go for it, whatever 'it' is. You deserve it.
The sands falling from the timer of life. Make sure you're going strong until that last grain touches down.

When you come to the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Friday, August 27, 2010


Sometimes being right hurts...

Sometimes finding out that you're right isn't satisfying at all. As a matter of fact it can hurt like hell. Like when you think someone doesn't care about you at all, and you tell them how you feel, and then they don't even have the decency to answer you... therefore solidifying your suspicion.

I was thinking about it for a while and if that person cared at all, I'd have heard something by now. But clearly, everything I thought and everything I said was true because here we are about five days later and not a peep.

It especially hurts when you know you've been there for that person every time they called you.

A friendship that can end,
never really began.
-Publilius Syrus.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


I don't like to get political, but...

So, I know I've been out of the loop for a few days, so let me get this right. Instead of people getting ready for the anniversary of 9/11, people are putting down and protesting against a Mosque/community center near the site? Did they all forget that there's one already there that has been there for 20 or so years? Or that over 400 Muslims also died in 9/11? Or that Muslims have a place to pray less than 80 feet from the Pentagon's 9/11 memorial site?

People forget that Americans weren't the only ones who died on 9/11. It was a world wide tragedy. Everyone felt it in some way. It's not fair to punish an entire religion for the actions of some.

(The Westboro Baptist Church is a bunch or ignorant uneducated people, but we don't discriminate against all Baptists, do we? I know that what they do isn't as extreme as what happened on 9/11, but I'm just making a point.)

The military is over there fighting for the freedom of everyone in this country. Everyone. And in a country that prides itself on equality... this doesn't seem very fair to me.

I'm just sayin'. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, and this is mine.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


True Friends...

Finding out who your true friends are can be a slap in the face sometimes. You never realize who they are until, unfortunately-and in most cases, something bad happens. And by then, you're left wondering 'how could you have been so stupid?'.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out how you missed the signs. That kind of person is good at what they do. They get what they want from you and pretend to be your best friend... until you no longer produce.

It's almost like a part of life. And on the bright side, it makes you more grateful for those friends you know you can count on.

The next time something goes wrong, look around. The people standing by you will be the ones who've been there all along. <3

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Everyone takes something for granted...

You're probably thinking to yourself right now 'not me', but think about it.

Maybe it's having a car, or a job, or someone who takes care of you. Or maybe it's the ability to see the world in all of it's many different colors, or seeing a sunrise, or a shooting star. Or maybe it's the ability to hear music, or laughter, or simply hearing someone say 'I love you'.

Sometimes you forget how lucky you are to have all of the small things that make up your life. You don't realize how wonderful they are because you've never been without them. You should take a moment every now and again and think about all of the amazing things you have in your life. After all, they could all be gone in an instant.

Real success comes in small portions day by day.
You need to take pleasure in life's daily little treasures.
It is the most important thing in measuring success."
- Denis Waitley

Too many people are too busy worrying about what's going wrong that they overlook the things that are going right, no matter how few and far between they may be.

I'm twenty-four years old and tomorrow morning I'm meeting with a surgeon to schedule my second heart surgery.
I feel like for someone my age, I've been through a lot and lived more than 24 years worth of life. It's exhausting but I try not to get upset. And when I do, I don't show it.

I know that nothing lasts forever and eventually things have to take a turn for the better. Sometimes you have to deal with things even if you're not ready. You have to suffer to find out how strong you are. Life is made up of quizzes and whether you pass or fail the test of life is solely up to you. Just remember that when you hit the bottom, the only way to go is up.

"If you always keep your head towards the sun, the shadows will always fall behind you." <3

Tuesday, July 27, 2010



I'll never understand some people. The way they think, the way they act. How quickly they change their tune due to certain things. How they think certain things are just

It's not OK to lie to people to pacify them. It's not OK to tell people you're going to do something just to appease them when you have no intentions of following through on whatever it is. It's not OK to tell someone you'll be there for them when you'd really just ditch them when something better came along. None of that is OK.

I'd rather you tell me the truth and let me be disappointed,

than you lie to me and make me not trust you.

At first I was annoyed, and I was upset, but at this point I just don't care.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... well, three strikes and you're out.

After so many lies, and being blown off on a regular basis, there's no coming back. The trust is gone, the respect is gone, and there's just nothing there.

It really sucks when you can't count the
number of times that you've been there for
someone on both hands, but you can count the
times they've been there for you on less than one.

Sunday, July 25, 2010



Death is never fair. It doesn't fight clean, it never plays even, it comes too soon, and it never calls to let you know it's on it's way. It's not biased, it doesn't think twice about age, it's colorblind, and it doesn't care who it hurts.

When someone dies, everyone hurts. Of course that persons family feels the most pain, but the people who care about the family also feel it. It's never easy watching someone (or a family) that you care about hurt so much without there being something you can do. If you could, you'd turn back time and change whatever you could so that they'd be spared from that pain for even a minute longer, but you can't. There's absolutely nothing you can do. It's one of the only situations where it doesn't matter what you do or what you say, because nothing makes that moment easier... except for time.

So what do you do? The only thing you can do is be there for them and be strong because when they're falling apart, you need to catch those pieces before they shatter on the ground and put them back together. That's when they need you the most.
R.I.P. Uncle Ray <3
July 21st, 2010.

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through, and shines down upon us to let us know they're happy." - Eskimo Proverb.

Thursday, July 15, 2010



You can wake up in the morning and decide to be happy and make the most of your day, or you can wake up and decide to be a miserable bitch. It's your call. I promise you though, things will be a lot harder if you decide to be miserable.

Things don't always go your way, and they never will. You win some and you lose some. It's called life, maybe you've heard of it?

I feel like lately things keep piling up in front of me and it's only a matter of time before everything comes tumbling down. And of course, with papers flying all over the place, I'll become overwhelmed... but I digress.

Instead of letting things get me down, or letting things make me feel like I'm losing control, I've decided to organize my life and everything in it. I can't let the possibility of heart surgery keep me down when it's not set in stone. And even if it should happen, I wasn't worried the first time, so why waste time now? Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, whether I think too much or too little about it.

So when you ask me if I'm nervous, I'm going to say no. I'm not going to let myself get hung up on something that may or may not happen. There are too many good things going on that I'd be missing out on if I spent my time agonizing over things that are inevitable or mere possibilities.

(I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend my time thinking about more important things... like Aruba ;) )

... and after all, this is just one more at bat.
I've had plenty of curve balls thrown at me in my life.
There's no reason I can't hit this one out of the park too.

Thursday, July 8, 2010



Sure, I've got dreams. They're not, nor have they ever been 'normal' or like other kids' dreams, but I've got dreams.

When I was a little kid I never wanted to be a doctor, a firefighter, a princess, or a ballerina. I wanted to be an architect. I played with Lincoln Logs and K*nex more than I played with dolls. I was never really into the whole hair and makeup thing, and I'm still not. That's just not who I am.

Of course, all adolescent dreams fade away and the reality that you won't magically become royalty (
or a crime fighting superhero ninja) sets in.

But you still have dreams. That's the good thing about dreams. They are forever changing to fit your needs, and they're free. You can have as many as you want without being greedy.

When I was a teenager I was set on opening my own restaurant. I still would like to at some point in my life, but it's not on the top of my list anymore.

When I went to college, I went for business. Looking back on that now, I could have picked a better major. But, at 18, how many people really know what they want to be when they '
grow up'?

Now, I'm 23, and I'm starting over. Everything is new. New goals, new life, new adventures, new me, new dreams. I've finally realized that it's really not how long it takes you to get somewhere that matters. It's getting back in the car after it's broken down more times than you can count, and changing that same flat tire for the fifth time, and doing whatever it takes to get to your destination that counts.

You have your whole life to make mistakes and your whole life to be successful. It's healthy to have a mix of both. It'll keep you humble and give you wisdom that you can't learn in the two, four, six, or eight years that you spend working toward whichever dream you're after.

For right now, my only dream is to live. Wherever life takes me, I'm okay with it. It's much harder to fight against things you have absolutely no control over than it is to make the best of what you've got.

You're either busy living, or you're busy dying.

Get busy living. ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, July 5, 2010



It's more fragile than glass. More valuable than gold. More rare than the rarest diamond.

If you break a glass, you have eleven more from the same set. If you lose a gold bar, more can be made. If you give a diamond away, you can purchase another.

Trust though, in most cases, is a one time deal. If you lose it, it's gone. And you can spend the rest of your life trying to get it back only to never truly regain it.

Sure, you can patch up the holes, but that's just it. There will still be some spots that you just can't cover up. And while you may have mended that relationship, that other person will alway be wondering-in the back of their minds-if you're telling the truth or not.

So, tell the truth and let that person be disappointed in you instead of lying to them and having them never be able to fully trust you again.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.-Friedrich Nietzsche.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:In the Sun

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


It's only life...

Why bother going the extra mile when mediocracy will suffice?

Why should you try hard when just trying is good enough?

Why reach for gold when settling for bronze still leaves you with a medal?

It's only life right?

But, it's your life.
You can make it really great, or simply average.
You can work for everything you want, or be content with what you're given.
It's your call.

When it's the bottom of the ninth in the final game of the world series with the bases loaded, two strikes and your team is down by two runs... Are you at bat or are you standing in the crowd cheering with everyone else?

Figuratively, of course.
After all, it's only life.

"It's only life. We all get through it. Not all of us complete the journey in the same condition."- Dean Koontz

Tuesday, June 22, 2010



Time flies when you're having fun, and even when you're not. It just rushes by so quickly sometimes that you have to be careful, or else you'll end up getting whiplash.

Every time I turn around it's Monday again. I hate Mondays. You're never like 'Oh, it's Tuesday again.' or 'Oh damn, another Wednesday.' But Monday. It ends the weekend and begins another week that you have to get through til Friday.

Anyway, I feel like time is flying. There are so many things I want to do, but there's no time. I barely have time to watch the time pass me by, let alone fill it with plans.

Another thing about time, it doesn't heal all wounds. Whoever said that was a liar. It doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't make you forget. Scars are scars. Though they fade, and though they do get smaller, they're always there. The memory will always be there, every time you look at them.

But, you can't dwell. If you do you'll go crazy, if you're not already. Those scars remind you that you deserve better. They remind you not to make the same mistake again. They teach you lessons. They shape you, and mold you, and make you who you are. Your scars are your scars. Plus, they add character.

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. -Rose Kennedy

Sunday, June 13, 2010


How would you feel?

A friend of mine asks me that all the time. About everything. In every situation. Whether it's a situation that involves her or not. And even if it has absolutely nothing to do with me.

As annoying as it is most of the time, it's a good question.

Really taking the time to think about other situations, and how you would feel if that was you, is a really good way of putting things into perspective. How would you feel?

Sometimes you need that eye opener. It keeps you grateful. It keeps you humble. And in some cases, it gets you prepared.

So, look around.

How would you feel?

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Mistakes... ( I know I come back to this topic a lot... )

In most cases (I said in most cases), you can't blame someone for making a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, they build character. They are a natural part of life.

What you can do is blame someone if they don't bounce back, or if they don't get up and dust themselves off. Or if they don't try and make things right. That's when you can blame them. Doing anything else would be hypocritical.

So before you jump to conclusions and point fingers, take a step back. Everyone (in most cases) deserves a second chance, or at least a chance to turn things around.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which at least others can learn from. - Al Franken.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I seem to have gotten myself into quite the situation...

Well, I'm sure if you've read any of my blogs you wont find this surprising, but I've got quite the dilema.

Let's say I have two... beverages.

One is new and refreshing, but a little too sweet. I still like it. I like it a lot. It quenches my thirst pretty frequently, as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, sometimes it leaves a bad, bitter taste in my mouth. I've debated sending it back a few times, but for some reason I'm not ready to get rid of it.

Then there's the other drink. It's cool, flavorful, and very appealing. It's bad for me, but I want it anyway. I don't care if it's dangerous, or a hazard to my health. I don't care if it impairs my judgement. I just want it. I haven't really had much of it yet, and I really just want to try it.

One is safe, and the other is far from it. One is good for me, and the other is so, so very bad.

So, what do I do?