Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes

Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Change... is like the wind.

The other day one of my friends told me I've changed. I asked him how so? And he said he didn't know, but I was different. At first I just brushed it aside because he's the kind of guy that just says things to see if he can get a rise out of you. I assumed he was just being himself and went about my business. I am who I am, who I've always been... I thought.

Today I was talking to... an old friend and as the conversation went on, I realized he was right. I have changed. I'm not the same person I was last year, and last year I wasn't the same person as I was the year before. I guess when you go through a lot of things in a little bit of life, they shape you and mold you and sometimes it prevents you from staying the same.

When I was 16 I had heart surgery and I died. I had an out of body experience and everything, and when the surgery was over the doctor said he had to put my heart into arrhythmia to find the problem. I almost left with a pacemaker. I guess it was too much to handle and for a few brief moments my heart stopped.

When I was 18, the love of my life left me to go to boot camp. At the time that was the worst experience of my life. 3 months without talking and only the occasional letter, I didn't think I'd survive. When I was 21, he left again to go to war and I didn't know if he was going to come back. 8 months of worrying, a handful of phone calls, and a few e-mails made that take the number one spot in the list of worst events in my life.

And, when I was 22, I walked away from the one thing I thought I needed more than anything in the entire world. At the time it was horrible and heartbreaking, yes. But I was ok. I'm ok now.

I know now that no matter what gets thrown at me, or how tough a situation gets, or how painful something is... it's temporary and I'm going to be fine.

So I guess if by change he meant grew a thicker skin, got a bigger heart, found a stronger will, then he was spot on. If by change he meant that I became more aware of what's important, what I want, and what deserve, then he was 100% right.

Change isn't a bad thing as long as you stay true to yourself.

Give big, Love big, Live big.
If it changes you, let it.
If it changes someone else,
even better.

Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. -Dr. Seuss.

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