Eighty.

Dreams...

Sure, I've got dreams. They're not, nor have they ever been 'normal' or like other kids' dreams, but I've got dreams.

When I was a little kid I never wanted to be a doctor, a firefighter, a princess, or a ballerina. I wanted to be an architect. I played with Lincoln Logs and K*nex more than I played with dolls. I was never really into the whole hair and makeup thing, and I'm still not. That's just not who I am.

Of course, all adolescent dreams fade away and the reality that you won't magically become royalty (or a crime fighting superhero ninja) sets in.

But you still have dreams. That's the good thing about dreams. They are forever changing to fit your needs, and they're free. You can have as many as you want without being greedy.

When I was a teenager I was set on opening my own restaurant. I still would like to at some point in my life, but it's not on the top of my list anymore.

When I went to college, I went for business. Looking back on that now, I could have picked a better major. But, at 18, how many people really know what they want to be when they 'grow up'?

Now, I'm 23, and I'm starting over. Everything is new. New goals, new life, new adventures, new me, new dreams. I've finally realized that it's really not how long it takes you to get somewhere that matters. It's getting back in the car after it's broken down more times than you can count, and changing that same flat tire for the fifth time, and doing whatever it takes to get to your destination that counts.

You have your whole life to make mistakes and your whole life to be successful. It's healthy to have a mix of both. It'll keep you humble and give you wisdom that you can't learn in the two, four, six, or eight years that you spend working toward whichever dream you're after.

For right now, my only dream is to live. Wherever life takes me, I'm okay with it. It's much harder to fight against things you have absolutely no control over than it is to make the best of what you've got.

You're either busy living, or you're busy dying.

Get busy living. ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

SeventyNine.

Trust...

It's more fragile than glass. More valuable than gold. More rare than the rarest diamond.

If you break a glass, you have eleven more from the same set. If you lose a gold bar, more can be made. If you give a diamond away, you can purchase another.

Trust though, in most cases, is a one time deal. If you lose it, it's gone. And you can spend the rest of your life trying to get it back only to never truly regain it.

Sure, you can patch up the holes, but that's just it. There will still be some spots that you just can't cover up. And while you may have mended that relationship, that other person will alway be wondering-in the back of their minds-if you're telling the truth or not.

So, tell the truth and let that person be disappointed in you instead of lying to them and having them never be able to fully trust you again.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.-Friedrich Nietzsche.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:In the Sun

SeventyEight.

It's only life...

Why bother going the extra mile when mediocracy will suffice?

Why should you try hard when just trying is good enough?

Why reach for gold when settling for bronze still leaves you with a medal?

It's only life right?

But, it's your life.

You can make it really great, or simply average.

You can work for everything you want, or be content with what you're given.

It's your call.

When it's the bottom of the ninth in the final game of the world series with the bases loaded, two strikes and your team is down by two runs... Are you at bat or are you standing in the crowd cheering with everyone else?

Figuratively, of course.

After all, it's only life.

"It's only life. We all get through it. Not all of us complete the journey in the same condition."- Dean Koontz

SeventySeven.

Time...

Time flies when you're having fun, and even when you're not. It just rushes by so quickly sometimes that you have to be careful, or else you'll end up getting whiplash.

Every time I turn around it's Monday again. I hate Mondays. You're never like 'Oh, it's Tuesday again.' or 'Oh damn, another Wednesday.' But Monday. It ends the weekend and begins another week that you have to get through til Friday.

Anyway, I feel like time is flying. There are so many things I want to do, but there's no time. I barely have time to watch the time pass me by, let alone fill it with plans.

Another thing about time, it doesn't heal all wounds. Whoever said that was a liar. It doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't make you forget. Scars are scars. Though they fade, and though they do get smaller, they're always there. The memory will always be there, every time you look at them.

But, you can't dwell. If you do you'll go crazy, if you're not already. Those scars remind you that you deserve better. They remind you not to make the same mistake again. They teach you lessons. They shape you, and mold you, and make you who you are. Your scars are your scars. Plus, they add character.

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. -Rose Kennedy

SeventySix.

How would you feel?

A friend of mine asks me that all the time. About everything. In every situation. Whether it's a situation that involves her or not. And even if it has absolutely nothing to do with me.

As annoying as it is most of the time, it's a good question.

Really taking the time to think about other situations, and how you would feel if that was you, is a really good way of putting things into perspective. How would you feel?

Sometimes you need that eye opener. It keeps you grateful. It keeps you humble. And in some cases, it gets you prepared.

So, look around.

How would you feel?

SeventyFive.

Mistakes... ( I know I come back to this topic a lot... )

In most cases (I said in most cases), you can't blame someone for making a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, they build character. They are a natural part of life.

What you can do is blame someone if they don't bounce back, or if they don't get up and dust themselves off. Or if they don't try and make things right. That's when you can blame them. Doing anything else would be hypocritical.

So before you jump to conclusions and point fingers, take a step back. Everyone (in most cases) deserves a second chance, or at least a chance to turn things around.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which at least others can learn from. - Al Franken.

SeventyFour.

I seem to have gotten myself into quite the situation...

Well, I'm sure if you've read any of my blogs you wont find this surprising, but I've got quite the dilema.

Let's say I have two... beverages.

One is new and refreshing, but a little too sweet. I still like it. I like it a lot. It quenches my thirst pretty frequently, as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, sometimes it leaves a bad, bitter taste in my mouth. I've debated sending it back a few times, but for some reason I'm not ready to get rid of it.

Then there's the other drink. It's cool, flavorful, and very appealing. It's bad for me, but I want it anyway. I don't care if it's dangerous, or a hazard to my health. I don't care if it impairs my judgement. I just want it. I haven't really had much of it yet, and I really just want to try it.

One is safe, and the other is far from it. One is good for me, and the other is so, so very bad.

So, what do I do?

SeventyThree.

Something that upsets me...

I hate the feeling you get when you do so much for someone and they don't even appreciate it. You go out of your way for someone and it's almost like they expect you to do it so it doesn't even matter. Why even bother anymore? That annoys me more than most things. If I'm going to do something nice for you, at least say thank you. I'm not saying run out and get me something, not at all. Just acknowledge it.

Is that really asking for too much?

I don't think so.

I never expect anything. I never expect anyone to buy me anything, or take me places, or do anything for me. That's just not who I am. However, I do like to do things for the people I care about. That's not saying please do something for me because I did something for you. It's just me doing it because it makes me feel good to cheer you up, or make you have a better day, or whatever.

All I'm saying is, it's nice to be appreciated.

That's all.

SeventyTwo.

I realized something today...

I've changed. I know everyone changes, and recently I've touched on the fact that I've changed and become a better person, stronger, smarter, but really... I've completely changed.

The things I used to think I wanted, well they're not the same things I want now.

How did I come to that conclusion?

Because getting what you want doesn't always feel as good as you thought it would.

It's like imagining the perfect ending, and then after its over realizing it wasn't so perfect after all. I'm conflicted because while everything is good, everything is bad. I feel like I'm going to get tired of the current situation very quickly and it worries me because this happens all the time. I want something really bad, I get it, and before I know it I'm already over it.

I guess time will tell..

SeventyOne.

I'm generally a nice person...

For the most part, I'm a nice person. Normally I wouldn't admit this but, lets put that aside for the time being.

Like I was saying, I'm a pretty nice person, that is until you wrong my family, my friends, or anyone else I care about. I'm not going to sit here and let you say horrible things about someone I love and not do anything about it. I'm not going to just listen to you badmouth someone who means a lot to me. I'm not that person. I know it's surprising because I can also be very quiet at times, but that doesn't mean I'm not listening.

My cousin told me last night that I was a silent wealth of knowledge. I laughed a little, but it's true. I may not say a lot in certain situations, but I know what's going on. I hear everything you're saying and even somethings you're not. So, the next time you think I'm not paying attention you should take a second and really think about that.

And most importantly, if you make my mom cry, you're dead to me. You don't exist, you're worthless, and you're a coward. I won't go out of my way to make you feel that way, but I won't go out of my way to be nice either. My mom raised me better than to be disrespectful or spiteful. And if it wasn't for her, well I don't know who I'd be.

I love her enough to be the better person, and you should be grateful for that.

The end.

Seventy.

Well...

I finally have something bothering me. I tried to not let it but it does, and badly. I don't understand why people feel it's necessary to take more than they deserve. Why can't people just be content with that they're given?

I like to think that I'm a nice person, and I try really hard not to... discriminate or judge anyone (seriously, when I'm joking around that's different) but I've come to a point where I just don't care anymore. I don't care if I hurt someone's feelings. I don't care if I make them cry. I don't care if they never talk to me again. For all I care, I could never cross their mind again.

The amount of stress that a certain someone causes me is ridiculous and uncalled for, and unnecessary. And I'm done.

Enough is enough.

"Letting go of people isn't saying I hate you. It's just saying I love me."- Rev. Run

SixtyNine.

1,000 Views...

I've hit over a thousand views. Granted they're probably mostly from the same ten people, but it feels good. Almost like an accomplishment. I guess people really are listening.

So let's see...

I've been finding it hard to come up with good topics to write about. Usually they stem from being angry or annoyed, or bothered by something... but lately I've just been happy. Like really happy. Crappy job and all. Aside from the usual rants about one of my co-workers, I have nothing to complain about. It's a good feeling, but not that great for business, if you know what I'm saying.

I've met someone, not really recently, but no matter what goes wrong or what bothers me or whatever the case may be, he sees the bright side of it. With everything really... He's my own personal ray of sunshine, and with that I find it hard to really get upset about anything. Everyone should get one ;).

What else...

We're down to one-hundred and sixty days until my vacation to paradise with some of the greatest people I know. I really can't wait to get on the plane and be gone for a whole week with my friends, cut off from the rest of the world. Just relaxing on the beach with a beverage. Bliss.

But who's counting?

SixtyEight.

Life is Good.

:)

SixtySeven.

Plans.

Everyone's so busy making plans that they don't realize how much life they're throwing away. Too much time is spent trying to make things be perfect. Nothing is ever perfect. I don't even know why that word exists. Plus, who wants to be perfect? Flaws are what make people beautiful. They make us different and unique.

Anyway, I'm not saying all plans are bad. It's nice to have things to look forward to. I'm just saying, don't let your life pass you by while you've got your nose stuck in a calendar.

"Contemplation often makes life miserable.

We should act more, think less,

and stop watching ourselves live."

And while you're living, make sure you really live. You only live once, so make sure you do everything. Find the time. If it's something you want, you'll make it happen.

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. -Steven Coallier

SixtySix.

It's been a while...

I've been busy, and to be completely honest I forgot about this blog for a while. I guess not too much has been happening for me to come report it all.

I don't even know what to talk about now...

I guess the last few weeks have been kind of rough. Not terribly, just not as smooth as usual. I suppose that's normal though. Life can be unpredictable at times.

I have some new people in my life... and some old ones are back. One in particular makes me feel so stupid because whenever he's around I feel like I can't breath. I hate that. It's been forever since I've really liked someone. Sure, I've had simple crushes here and there but it's not the same. I'm not a fan of feeling vulnerable, or like an idiot because feelings make you do dumb things. And of course I won't ever say anything because I'm too shy. I know, I know... I don't seem shy but there are certain things that make me kind of shut down.

I ran into a really old friend the other day and that was really great because I had just been thinking about her. She kind of fell off of the face of the earth a few years ago, and no one had heard from her.

Hmm... There's one-hundred and sixty-eight days until I go on the best vacation of my entire life with some of the most awesome people around. Aruba and Venezuela <3.

I guess that's it for now. I'll try to have something more interesting for next time.

<3

SixtyFive.

Assumptions...

So, when you write something... a general (not so nice) statement that's not directed at anyone, and someone assumes it's about them, what do you do? Don't expect me to say 'I'm sorry.' I mean, obviously you have a guilty conscience to think it's about you in the first place. And what about a statement that is nice? Who are you to assume that it's about you? Maybe you should reevaluate yourself and the role you play in my life.

I hate when people make assumptions. It's one of the things that bother me more than anything. I wish that instead of assuming something and making yourself crazy, and annoying the ever-living shit out of me, you'd just ask. Nine out of ten times I make random statements and they're not about anyone.

Stop being so conceited. The world doesn't revolve around you, and neither do I.

Fin.

SixtyFour.

Friends...

Some friends tend to come with an expiration date. You know exactly what I mean too. There are some people you're friends with for a certain period of time, and then they disappear. You never talk to them or hear from them again. They just vanish. Their loss.

Then there are friends that are drifters. They drift in and out of your life here and there. Some of them are really good about being around when you need them, and some come around when you really wish they wouldn't. What can you do? Sometimes you're lucky, sometimes you're not.

And then there are those friends that are... a constant. Though you may not see them as often as you like, they're always connected to you somehow. You never go too long without some kind of communication. And even if you don't get to see them regularly, when you do, it's like no time has passed at all. Those are the ones you should pay extra attention to (not that all of your friends shouldn't be appreciated). Those are the ones that will always be there for you, no matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, and no matter what you do.

Make sure you pay attention.

SixtyThree.

I'm Selfish...

I'm selfish, and to tell you the truth, I really don't care. I don't care if that makes me seem like a bad person, or if you think I'm not nice, or whatever else might cross your mind. I think I've spent enough time worrying about other people and doing things for other people that I deserve to be selfish.

If you disagree, well it doesn't matter if you disagree.

I'm also tired of being nice. I'm tired of being nice when really, deep inside, I want to scream and punch you in the face. You, of course, being a specific person. I am, for the most part, a nice person. If you push me far enough though, I snap. And lately, I'm teetering on that fine line between nice, and not so nice.

I mean honestly, the mere thought of certain (and recent) events make me really angry. And then the fact that I get so angry makes me even more angry because it's so stupid and so ridiculous that these things shouldn't even be bothering me. Yet, somehow I still manage to let them. I think the main reason why I let them bother me is because a certain someone doesn't understand why I'm mad and why I feel the way I do. And because of that I go over the situation in my head again because maybe I'm overreacting. Then, like always, I come to the conclusion that I'm not, but at that point I'm already angry. It's a vicious, vicious cycle I tell you. Vicious.

I'm sure this only makes sense to a handful of people, and that's OK.

Anyway, simply stated: Don't fall in love with me.

If I've warned you once, I've warned you a hundred times.

SixyTwo.

Mistakes...

It's hard to watch someone you love make a mistake. It's even harder not to say something. So what do you do? You could go ahead and open your mouth, but what's the point? I mean sure, it might make you feel better, but they won't hear you. If someone is set on doing something, what you say doesn't matter. And rightfully so I suppose. You can't learn a lesson on your own if you don't make a mistake on your own.

I would know. Trust me.

So, as hard as it might be, you just have to watch. Show support. Stock up on some tissues. And in the end, hold off on the 'I told you so'.

After all : You can't learn a lesson from a mistake that you haven't made.

SixtyOne.

The calm after the storm...

Things can get out of hand very quickly. Sometimes you don't even see it happening until you're in a whirlwind of mistakes and regrets. As terrible as that may seem, if you just remember that that moment can't last forever-you'll be OK. That storm will pass just like every one before it.

In the end, everything is OK. If it's not OK, well, it's not the end.

Eventually everything will quiet down and you'll only be able to hear the subtle whisper of the wind, and the waves quietly brushing up against the shore.

Just hold on.