Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes

Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out...

Thursday, December 17, 2009


(June 12, 2009)

Change is good.


I've changed, and I've never felt better.

I can't tell you the exact time, date, or place that it happened... but it happened.

I've let go of a lot of things that bothered me. One day they just stopped affecting me. And my priorities rearranged. I used to put other people first, but now it's about me, and what I want. I do what I want, when I want, and I don't have to ask or tell anyone about it. I'm always having a good time, and for a long time I didn't know what that was like. I felt suffocated and I was miserable. Now I can breathe and it feels amazing. I can finally fulfill my dreams instead of living in the shadow of someone else's. I can make my own decisions instead of always having to compromise for someone else. I come first now, when I never did. If I'd have known I was missing out on living my own life a few years ago, I'd have done this sooner. I guess love really does blind you. Then you wake up five years later and you realize how much time you wasted trying to please someone else who in retrospect, you could never please. Once you get passed the fact that you have to start over, life really is great. I love my friends and my family and I love New York more than I ever did. North Carolina really shows you how any other state is more civilized. And it's true, you don't like Long Island until you're taken away from it. Being away makes you appreciate the little things, like people knowing how speak at a normal speed, or highways with more than one lane. Even a supermarket within 20 minutes is a plus.

Aside from all that, since I've been home it's been one obstacle after another. You fix one thing, and something else breaks. You pay off one bill, and then another one comes in the mail. The good thing is I'm 50% debt free which is a huge accomplishment for me. I'm getting my shit together and getting my life on track. I plan on going back to school in the fall too. I'm even excited about that which it not my style at all.

All in all, life is good. Great even. I couldn't ask for anything more than what I've been given.

In the end, everything really is ok.

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