Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes

Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out...

Friday, December 25, 2009



The Good.

They are the only people you can love and hate at the same time. They drive you crazy and push you to the edge, and right when you're ready to jump, they throw you a lifesaver. It's almost like they're not really trying to save you. It's more like they're trying to keep you around because if they don't, who will they torture?

As crazy as they may make me, I'm thankful for every one of them. For all of the years of getting tied up, beat up, blamed for things I didn't do, and duck taped to things (like walls, and red wagons, or skateboards, or tree houses)... All of the Sunday dinners with inappropriate conversations, and making fun of eachother until we cried from laughing... I have a million memories that will make me smile forever. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Bad.

Dysfunctional is a normal description for 80% of families out there. Mine could be the poster family for the word. Someone is always fighting with someone else. The usual pre-holiday conversation is "So who isn't coming this year?" I understand that everyone can't agree all of the time, but let's be a little understanding and compassionate around birthdays and holidays. And maybe before jumping to conclusions we could ask questions as to avoid miscommunications. When it comes down to it, the more you fight, the more you can see just how important you are to someone.

If someone fights with you on a regular basis, or makes a big deal out of nothing, or nit picks until you're in an argument.... I'm sorry to say this but they don't really care all that much. In any relationship, be it family, friends, or loves, communication is key. If someone isn't considerate enough to make communication a priority, then they're not important enough to be any of your concern.

The Ugly.

There will always be one or two people in your family, or in any family, who have their priorities mixed up. Or maybe they're delusional, or think they're better than everyone else. Whatever the case may be, there's always someone who is the root of the problem. You can't spend your time being upset about it, or dwelling on it because it's not your fault. And no matter what you do, or what you say to them, or how many times you try to get through to them, they just wont hear it. They're not listening. And if they are, they don't hear you because they're right and you're wrong and that's just the way it is.

I haven't talked to my grandmother since I was fifteen years old. She missed my sweet 16, my graduation from high school, the start of college, and my wedding. She wasn't around for a lot of milestones in my life. And she'll never be able to fix that. Why? Because when I was fifteen I had to choose between her and my dad. What adult makes a child do that? For a long time I was hung up on it and it bothered me to the point where I'd have nightmares about it. Recently, however, I've realized that that's a waste of my time. I'm the better person here, clearly, and I can't let that hang heavy on my mind anymore.

People make mistakes, and that is their fault. If they don't want to fix it, then that's also their fault. You can't let it bother you or you'll find yourself stuck against a wall.

The Good.

In the end, you have to focus on the good. Everything else is what it is and is better just left alone.

In the end, all we have is each other, and that's enough for me.

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Merry Christmas Everyone.

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